{"id":3610,"date":"2025-07-30T20:20:15","date_gmt":"2025-07-30T20:20:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/crowhill.net\/blog\/?p=3610"},"modified":"2025-07-30T20:20:15","modified_gmt":"2025-07-30T20:20:15","slug":"a-checklist-for-parents-equipping-your-kids-for-a-grounded-successful-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/crowhill.net\/blog\/2025\/07\/30\/a-checklist-for-parents-equipping-your-kids-for-a-grounded-successful-life\/","title":{"rendered":"A Checklist for Parents: Equipping Your Kids for a Grounded, Successful Life"},"content":{"rendered":"

A long time ago my sister told me a story about some conflict she had with dad. Dad said, “there’s no manual for how to raise kids.” My sister was tempted to give him a Bible \u2013 and while there is some good stuff in the Bible about raising kids, it really doesn\u2019t fit the need. It\u2019s not an adequate training manual for parents. <\/p>\n

There was a book, years ago, titled \u201cAll I Really Need to Know I Learned from Watching Star Trek.\u201d There\u2019s some truth to that. Star Trek has always been a morality tale, and there are some solid messages (and some galactic-level stupidity) in Star Trek. <\/p>\n

One day those two ideas collided in my mind and I wondered if it would even be possible that Spock wouldn’t know how to raise a kid (if he had one). Surely the Vulcans would have a manual on precisely how to do everything, when to do it, etc. <\/p>\n

Recently I’ve been reflecting on all the things my parents didn’t have to teach me. There were so many things we simply absorbed from TV, music, swim team, scouts, school, band, and even my friends in the neighborhood. It wasn\u2019t all perfect, of course, but there was something like an “ambient decency” that suffused the culture. <\/p>\n

That’s all gone now. <\/p>\n

That saying \u201cit takes a village to raise a child\u201d is true in at least two respects. First, the parents can\u2019t do it all. They don\u2019t have the knowledge or the skills. Second, even if they did, they can\u2019t raise a kid with a set of values that the culture is constantly undermining. If it\u2019s only mom and dad saying, \u201cno sex before marriage,\u201d and the culture is shouting \u201cgo for it!\u201d \u2013 it\u2019s pretty obvious which way a hormone-crazed teenager is going to go. <\/p>\n

It’s not only sex, of course. Hard work. Prudence. Diligence. Dressing decently. Being respectful. If mom and dad\u2019s lessons aren\u2019t supported and affirmed by at least some of the rest of society, the kids will think they were raised by weirdoes and will go their own way. <\/p>\n

The catastrophe of the 80s<\/h2>\n

One of my biggest regrets is not having the wisdom to understand how consequential this societal change was. <\/p>\n

I was bright enough to realize there was no shared culture any longer. Large scale changes were wreaking havoc on the American mind: feminism, the sexual revolution, economic changes, cable TV, the decline of religious and civic organizations, a generalized feeling of guilt about western culture, the rise of therapeutic culture, and much more. <\/p>\n

I was not bright enough to compensate adequately. I still expected my kids to absorb certain things, the way I did. It just seemed like the natural process of growing up. I mean, it\u2019s pretty doggone obvious how to change a tire on a car, or to know that the highway half a mile from the house goes north and south. <\/p>\n

No, it\u2019s not, of course, and that\u2019s the problem. One of the hard things about life is that you don\u2019t know what you don\u2019t know, and what\u2019s obvious to you isn\u2019t obvious to other people. <\/p>\n

For example, I grew up shooting. By the time I was eight I knew more about gun safety than Alec Baldwin knew when he was 63. I\u2019ve taken friends to the gun range and recoiled in horror at the way they treat a shotgun. <\/p>\n

It\u2019s very hard to remember what it\u2019s like not to know something, which is why we have safety officers who make sure we follow the rules. It can be annoying when the guy at the jet ski place gives you the five-minute lecture, but he has to assume you don\u2019t know what you\u2019re doing. <\/p>\n

My parents could reasonably rely on the \u201cambient decency\u201d of the culture to fill in some gaps. They didn\u2019t have to lecture me on everything all the time. They knew that their values would be generally upheld and reinforced by my teachers, coaches, scout leaders, other parents in the neighborhood, and so on. <\/p>\n

Now the kids are exposed to \u201cambient indecency.\u201d The culture is at war with your values. It\u2019s actively trying to tear them down. <\/p>\n

It\u2019s not just values <\/h2>\n

I was at mom’s house fixing a door for her one day, and she asked if dad taught me how to do it. I thought, “Of course not. This is obvious. Nobody had to teach me how to do this.” <\/p>\n

While I can\u2019t remember dad ever teaching me how to work on a door, I’m not sure I had that quite right. Dad did teach me a way of looking at things, and a confidence to try. One summer day when I was 16, dad called me from work and told me to get the model number off the dryer, go to the Sears parts store, get a replacement belt, and change the dryer belt (which had broken the night before). He didn’t give me that many details. He just gave me the basics and expected me to figure it out. <\/p>\n

At that time (1979), that was a reasonable assumption. Kids had shop class in school. They watched when somebody else worked on a car, sharpened a knife, whittled a stick, or tied a knot. They listened while Pop Pop smoked a pipe and told tales of the stupid things people do. They absorbed a certain mechanical proficiency from the air all around them. <\/p>\n

This led me to the false belief that I didn\u2019t need to teach these things. The kids would just get it on their own — the way I did. I mean \u2026 it\u2019s obvious stuff, right? <\/p>\n

No, it\u2019s not. They didn’t have a supportive culture that generally pointed kids in the right direction. They had a poisoned culture that pointed them to lies, an entertainment culture that made video games more important than learning how to change a tire, and absolutely no emphasis on basic competence. <\/p>\n

That was 30 years ago. It’s only getting worse. <\/p>\n

The camping checklist <\/h2>\n

After you\u2019ve been on a few trips \u2013 camping, business, fishing, whatever \u2013 you get tired of forgetting things. Some people have the mental discipline to keep those lessons in mind. I make checklists. <\/p>\n

Before each trip I review the checklist to see if I\u2019ve forgotten anything. It reduces anxiety and assures I won\u2019t end up at the campsite with no tent pegs. (Provided I remember to consult the checklist!) <\/p>\n

Which raises the question, what would that Vulcan training manual look like? <\/p>\n

Thinking about that got me wondering what it\u2019s like to be a psychologist, counselor, or therapist. It\u2019s an interesting challenge. Some stranger walks into your office and you have to assess how this person is doing in life. Is he prospering or drowning? <\/p>\n

There have to be some markers. Some tells. Some metrics. There has to be some analogy to the camping checklist. <\/p>\n

So, here you have it. Here\u2019s my first draft of a checklist of life skills. <\/p>\n

If you\u2019re a parent, you should review this. Are your children learning these things? How do you know? If they\u2019re not, what do you need to do to make sure they do learn them? <\/p>\n

Life Skills Checklist <\/h1>\n

1. Identity and Personal Responsibility<\/p>\n